Reverie

Have you ever crossed boundaries unintentionally only to realise it’s too late and all that you’ve struggled for ferociously – to keep the distance, to prevent triggering back that life you once had – is now staring at you in the face, with its enormous, enchanting demeanour sucking you right back into its whirlpool of emotions and thoughts?

I stepped pass that threshold today.

Somehow, I retrieved back that old sense of feeling just by standing there, at that rooftop. It made me think about the past, the things I did there. The things I did there with people, who seem to be so distant yet vicinal.

It made me wonder how I could have possibly fallen so so so deep for anyone. I pictured myself doing the same things with other people, with people whom I could actually try sharing with, but somewhere deep down within me, someone or something disagreed with that thought.

Maybe it was the way you made me feel whenever I’m out with you. Or maybe it’s the way you never got mad at me, for all the times I threw fits of rage at you. Or it could be the way I relied on you so much that no one else mattered to me, ’cause you made up for the entire universe I didn’t see. Or it might be the way you held me, constantly penning those three words into my palm with your fingers.

But I’m certain it’s without a doubt the way you whispered ‘I love you’s into my ear, which would indefinitely send me into bubbles of giggles.

I counted on you with my life, I would have ran away from this life just to be with you if you’d asked me to. I would have pulled the craziest stunt if it meant that life with you never ceased. I thought we had our futures mapped out together.

I was wrong.

Hah, but that doesn’t leave me hopeless. Because no matter how great the hole you burnt in me, I got back on my two feet. And found the greatest love of all.

Jesus Christ. He’s my all.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

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